Any critique is welcomed! Thanks!
Sorry but this is not working either. First of, you have 2 symbols in there which is one too many. And to make things even more convoluted, you replaced a character with one of them. A font is a whole system of sizes and proportion and to jam without any careful preparations and calculations a foreign element into it is a recipe for disaster.
It seems you've been clinging to this idea for some times now. Your main problem I think is that you're creating this directly on your computer. Which only add even more limits to your creativity.
What you need is a proper creative process. Which includes, but is not limited to, RESEARCH (look at the competition, their brand strategy and identity), INSPIRATION (www.LogoPond.com www.Dribbble.com www.Pinterest.com) and more importantly: HAND SKETCHING.
I cannot stress enough how important this phase is. Free of all limitations that a computer imposes on you, you have a direct link between your brain and the tip of your pencil. Simply sketch on and on and on. For hours if needs be. This way you can organically form up ideas and lay them down on paper. It's almost magical sometimes, as you come up with stuff you wouldn't have been able to working on Illustrator.
Keep it up!